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A night out with iFriends

Last night I had a glorious night out, including California Pizza Kitchen, talk about labor and delivery and iFriends. It was fabulous, except for the labor and delivery talk. Not that I have a problem talking about it. Apparently I DON'T have a problem talking about my "womanly parts" with virtual strangers. I can't even blame it on the liquor. Poor Tara.

If you'd like to see pictures on this blog, you're shit out of luck. I didn't take any. You can check out Krista. I would tell you to check out Sara, but she has cut me out of the picture. It must have been all that vagina talk.

Where did this year go?

I can't believe that we are already approaching the end of the year. Thanksgiving is over. Christmas is in 22 days. Its just craziness.

This time last year, I was just starting to get a baby bump big enough that people could tell I was pregnant and didn't just think I was fat. We were finishing up Annelise's nursery in our old house. I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my beautiful little girl, and now I have this 8 month old on her way to being a big girl instead of a little newborn.

8 months is so much time for a baby. 8 months ago, she was small and helpless. She couldn't sit up, or even hold her head up. I can't believe all that she's accomplished in such a small amount of time. Even in the last month she has learned to

1. Feed herself (I use this loosely, more food ends up on the floor than in her mouth)
2. Drink from a cup
3. Roll over (she was doing this before, but now she'll go from one end of the room to the other end)
4. Get on all fours and rock back and forth
5. Army crawl
6. Get herself into a sitting position
7. Wave bye bye (she just started, so its not that consistent)

Its amazing what a difference a month makes, let alone 8 months!

Ok..so I haven't been that up to date..

I know that back in October I said I would write two letters a week to people I want to thank. First I had a hard time deciding who I'd write to first. Then I had a hard time writing it. Then I just kept forgetting...on purpose, which is really more like procrastination, isn't it? So I decided I'm just going to make this list of things I am thankful for. Here goes.

My amazing daughter, for teaching my true love, joy and happiness. For showing me the simple wonder of learning something new, whether it be big or small. For teaching me that everything can be made better by a smile and a cuddle.

My husband, for being an amazing dad. For being an amazing partner in life. For simply being amazing.

My dad, for always being a great dad, despite the hardships.

My mom, for teaching me to be a woman, even though you only had 19 years to do it.

My sister, for being my best friend.

My dog, for knowing just when to give me a nudge and a cuddle.

My aunt, for filling in when I needed a mom, or a big sister, or just a babysitter.

My friends, no matter how I met them, for always supporting me, and teaching me many things about life, love and motherhood.

I'm also thankful for my health and my happiness, for the house that we've made into a home, for the little luxuries in life like good coffee and good wine. I'm thankful for my large extended family, who love my daughter as much as I do. Most importantly, I am thankful that I have so much love and joy in my life that I will never want for anything.

Happy Thanksgiving.

What are you thankful for?

Yesterday I was reading Women's Day magazine (yes, I realize this makes me old. Shut it), and they had a great little article about being thankful. Several people had written thank you letters to various people in their lives, mostly for things that would largely go unnoticed. One was to a kindergarten teacher that had told them about the magic of Santa claus. Another was to a father that had sat with a little girl in the hospital during all her severe asthma attacks. These were all things that most of us would do, but probably would never get a thank you for.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, for the next month (starting November 1st), I'm going to try to write at least 2 of these letters a week, maybe more. I challenge all of you blog readers to do the same, even if its just one letter. This is a great time to sit down and really think about the people that have impacted our lives, big and small. So I ask you, my dear, sweet readers. What are you thankful for?

When did we grow up?

Today I attended a baby shower for a friend from high school. While I was sitting there, playing with my baby girl, talking to another friend from this same group that is pregnant, it hit me: we are growing up. Of this group of six girls, 5 are married, 2 have kids, 2 are having kids in the next 6 or 7 weeks, and I wouldn't be surprised if the other one is pregnant within the next year. This is just insane to me. I can remember the night we graduated from high school, all of us crammed into one girls apartment, drinking beer...I mean ginger ale.

To be honest, I keep going through all of these life changing events, convinced that one of these days I'll feel like a real adult. On the day of my college graduation, I felt like I was back in middle school, sitting the the school gym wearing my orange shirt and black skirt (yes, orange!), waiting for my "promotion" to high school. A year and a half after graduation, I got married. I sat in that chair at the salon, feeling like a 16 year old going to prom. I thought for sure having a baby would make me feel grown up. Then my husband and I built a house. We are homeowners. Now I'm definitely an adult, right? Nope, still feeling like a 16 year old.

I don't think I'll ever truely feel like a "grown up". The older I get, the less I think this is a bad thing. Maybe there is something to that teenage feeling of uncertainty and anxiety that keeps me on my toes a little more. Maybe when my children are in their teenage years, I'll remember what it was like a little better. Hopefully, it will keep me from being that adult that everyone hates, even the other adults. The one who is too self-assured, who thinks they are too wise, that they've lived so many more years than the rest of us. Please God, let me avoid that.

Seven months is not that long...

Seven months ago was our first night with Annelise in our lives. Its crazy to think that in seven short months she has changed so much. On March 22nd, she was 20 inches long and weighed in at 7 pounds 6 ounces. She was hooked up to a machine monitoring her breathing and had to have a feeding tube. She was so helpless and small.

Now, she is almost 29 inches long and weighs in at almost 17 pounds. She rolls over and sits up. She's working hard at moving in some way or another, but can't quite get the crawling thing down pat. She's a major Daddy's girl. She can be crabby and screaming and as soon as he walks in the room, she lights up like a Christmas tree.

I can't believe the time is going by so quickly. I feel like I'm going to blink and she'll be 18!

Reading the classics

Despite the fact that my undergraduate degree is in English with an emphasis on literature, it seems that there are a lot of "classic" novels I haven't read. Don't get me wrong, I've read a lot of great books, but it seems that I've missed out on something.

Because of this, I decided that I'd undertake a little project. I found a couple of lists along the lines of "100 greatest novels" etc. I'm going to read as many books on these lists as I can. I'll make up a compilation list from this list from the Cincinnati library, this list from Time magazine, and this list from Random House publishers.

This is really a lot of books, so it will probably take me awhile. Anyone want to play along?

Baby Fever

Ok, I have a confession to make here. I have MAJOR baby fever.



I know what you're thinking. "But Jess, you have a baby already." I know that. Trust me, when I'm up at 3:30 trying to get her to sleep I'm thinking "What the f*ck are you thinking? Another baby?".



I really do want another baby though. Clearly I have forgotton several things, including how much a threw up when I was pregnant, and how horribly exhausted I was those first 3 months of having AK. But I miss that newborn stage. They are so cuddly and snuggle-able. AK hardly ever wants to be cuddled or snuggled anymore. She's a baby on the move. Or a baby attempting to move, depending on how you look at it.

Really though, I love being a mom, and I can't wait to have another one.

Depression

I have to blog about this because it makes me very very happy.

I went of my anti-depressants about 2 weeks ago. Not many people know this, but about 6 weeks after Annelise was born I was diagnosed with Post-partum Depression. Without getting into a lot of detail, those were very, very dark days for me. Not many people knew how I was feeling.

I guess maybe I was a little ashamed. When I had Annelise, I knew it was supposed to be this joyous and beautiful time in my life. A lot of it was, and I knew I had a lot to be grateful for. As the weeks went on, those feelings of joy seemed to be replaced by anger and despair. Everyday I was a little angrier than before. This was not the typical "baby blues" Luckily for me, I have a wonderful husband that knew something wasn't right. He basically sat me down and told me that he loved me and supported me, but I needed to get some help. I called my OB and went on meds for depression. Within days, I felt like a new woman.

I suppose a lot of people think this is far too personal for a blog entry. For me, its almost cathartic. Getting rid of the meds was both nervewracking and freeing. When I realized that I could deal with a crying baby without wanting to run away from home, it was a small triumph for me.

To all the readers of my blog that may want to be pregnant someday, take a lesson from me. Baby blues should not last weeks upon weeks, it should last 10-14 days tops (according to my OB). If you think something is wrong, call your doctor. Insist that your husband be honest with you about how you are behaving. After 9 months of walking on eggshells because of pregnancy hormones, some men are a little reluctant to do this. Please sit down with your significant other and let him know what PPD is, what the signs are, and that above all, he needs to help you get help. Yes, the first few months of motherhood are hard. They are emotional, physically exhausting, mentally exhausting, confusing and frustrating. But they should also be full of love and joy at the miracle that has come into your life.

NOOOOOOO

I cannot take it. I am boycotting Top Chef. I am never watching it again. You do not want to hear the stream of swear words coming out of my mouth.

Top Chef

I am watching Top Chef right now. I hate suspense. HATE.

I hope Hung doesn't win. He's a douchbag, and I don't use that term lightly.

I've been tagged

Thanks to Danica, I have been tagged. So, here goes..

THE RULES:
1. Post these rules before you give you the facts.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. At the end of your post, choose (tag) someone and list their name (linking to their page).
4. Leave them a comment on their blog letting them know they’ve been tagged!

8 random things about Jess

1. While I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a dream that my mom (who is deceased) came to me holding a baby girl. I did not know yet what I was having.

2. My mom had a similar dream when she was pregnant with me, except my great grandma was holding me.

3. I hum when I eat things with a spoon. This includes cereal, yogurt soup and ice cream.

4. I LOVE to watch Olympic swimming. I'm glued to the TV the entire time the summer Olympics are on.

5. When I was a kid, we spent every summer at our cottage on the lake up north. My dad still has a cottage on that same lake and I can't wait to spend weekends there with AK.

6. I think baby giggles are the best sound in the whole world

7. I have eaten pig brains. Trust me, you don't want to try them

8. I wish I had an eye for photography. I want to be able to take amazing photos, I'm just not that good at it.

There you go. Now I tag Steph, Sarah and Jessica

Unemployed

Not me, some guy that used to work for us. By us, I mean my dad, but I'm the office manager there, so I consider it a "we" kind of effort.

This guy started for us as a mason laborer. Not an easy job. It requires a lot of hard physical labor. As long as you show up everyday and work, you're pretty much considered a top employee. Well, this guy decided that he didn't want to work for us anymore, so one morning at break, he went to take a pee and never came back. He didn't even call until he decided he wanted his paycheck. Actually, his MOTHER called me. We had quite the little chat (ahem, arguement) about why she would not be coming in to get his paycheck. Guess how old this guy is? No, not 18...29!

Now, he decided that he wants some unemployment. There is the slight problem, though, that you can't get unemployment if you quit. How does he solve this problem? He tells unemployment we fired him. Ok, genius, do you not think that unemployment checks with the employers to make sure you really did get fired? So now I have a boatload of extra paperwork because this dumbass wants to sit around and get pain to do nothing. Oye.

I have a parenting confession

We cosleep. For those of you that haven't read 4,382 parenting books, that means we let our 6 month old sleep in bed with us. For most doctors, its a BIG no no. Some people swear by it. When I was pregnant, I swore I wouldn't do it. But here I am, letting my kid sleep in bed with me. Want to know the worst part? We started doing it out of desperation. Thats right, we were DESPERATE. Those of you ready to start lecturing me about making parenting decisions out of desperation, let me just say this: you clearly don't have kids. If you do, and you've never desperately parented your child, let me commend you. Surely, you are in the minority.


It started when we moved. Suddenly, my champion sleeper, the perfect baby that slept through the night at 7 weeks, stopped sleeping through the night. After about 5 nights of this we were seriously sleep deprived. So, at 2 am, we plopped her into bed with us and VOILA, asleep in 3 seconds. It must have been a record. We all woke up the next morning refreshed. It must have been a one night thing, right? RIGHT?

Wrong. We clearly underestimated Annelise's ability to manipulate us. For the last month, she has been sleeping in our bed about 5 nights a week. She usually starts out in her crib, and then ends up in our bed. Who's in charge now?

Football

Tonight, as the 3rd Packers preseason game was about to come on, my husband reminded me that Annelise has yet to experience the wonder that is football. I cannot tell you how excited it made me. One of my favorite things to do on saturdays is to curl up in front of the TV and watch college football. I often repeat this activity on sunday with pro football. I cannot wait to share this with my daughter.

This realization also made me a little sad. It was my mom who taught me to love football. She was a diehard Packer fan. When I say diehard, I mean DIEHARD. I think she even freaked my dad out a little with how excited she would get. When I was little, watching football on sundays was something we did together. It was practically a ritual to make some snacks, get some sodas (or a beer for mom) and park ourselves in front of the tv for 3 hours. It was one of the few times on the weekends I didn't hear "Its nice out, get your butt outside."

My mom learned her love of football from her mom, my Gram. We spent a lot of sundays and Gram and Gramps house, watching football and ordering chinese from Harvey Moys. When I decided to attend Purdue for college, the first of my family to attend a Big Ten college, my gramsaid "Oh Jess, I love that Drew Brees. I gotta call my friends and brag!" (For those who don't know, Drew Brees was Purdue's quarterback the year I started there, 2000.) My parents came down to attend a football game on Parent's weekend my freshman year. My mom was so excited to see a football game in a stadium that she practically peed her pants.

Thats what I loved about my mom though, she was passionate about the things she loved. What makes me sad is that I learned to love football from my Gram and my mom. I always thought my mom and I would pass that same love on to my daughter. I don't often feel sorry for myself for losing my mom, because I have so many other wonderful blessings in my life. But I feel sad for Annelise that she won't get those sunday afternoons with take out chinese like I did.

Five months

Annelise is five months old today. I cannot believe that its been that long! The time seems to have flown by. Five months ago she was this tiny 7 lb 6 oz bundle in the NICU with tubes in her nose and an IV in her arm. She was so helpless. Now, she's almost 15 lbs and out to be a big girl!

The last 5 months have been both the best and most challenging months of my life. Learning to be a parent is difficult. There are no right answers, no one to tell you what to do when it gets hard. Becoming a mother has shaped my life in ways I never could have imagined.

When I look back to my life before Annelise, I really can't imagine it. These past few years of my life have been truely wonderful. Despite losing my mom 5.5 years ago, I have had a life full of wonderful people and many blessings. But she has added a whole new dimension of happiness. Looking into that smiling face every morning breaks my heart with happiness. Seeing Troy become such a wonderful father makes me love him more than ever. We are so blessed to have our little family.

A Baby Story

I'm going to get sappy here for a moment. If you don't feel like reading a sappy blog entry, I suggest you hit the back button on your browser. This is not the place you want to be right now.

When I was pregnant, I NEVER watched "A Baby Story" on TLC. OK, I watched it once, and that was what prompted me to never watch it again. Troy was home that day and the woman had a water birth, in her bathtub, AT HOME. She was screaming her head off. I actually thought Troy was going to cry. He just looked at me and said "You are going to the hospital to have this baby. Don't even argue with me on this one". No arguements here.

Now that I've had a baby though (and I know its not nearly as bad as all the screaming made it seem), I adore watching this show. It almost always brings me to tears. A lot of my friends told me that as soon as they saw their babies, they forgot about all the pain of labor. I was very skeptical at first, but it really is true. Well, maybe not all true. I do remember how bad it hurt, but I also remembered the epidural. God bless the epidural. *sidenote* If you are questioning getting the drugs, DON'T. Get the drugs. I didn't want them beforehand either. Then I felt a real labor contraction. God bless the epidural, thats all I have to say.

Here is the sappy part. Everytime I watch "A Baby Story", I am so thankful for the miracle that is my daughter. I thank God every single day for her and for my husband and for this little family we have. We have so very much to be grateful for. Even if you know you want children, you can never imagine what a true miracle it is. I always heard about "the miracle of birth" and tohught "how could anything that potentially painful be a miracle?". It really and truely is.

I know a few people that are struggling with infertility right now. I pray for them each and every night, that they will someday get their miracle.

Real World

So I watched the first episode of the new Real World (Sydney) tonight. What a trainwreck. I admit I wasn't paying too close of attention to it, but really, they picked some interesting people. By interesting, I mean crazy.

I cannot believe that people still want to be on this show. Is there really a lot of appeal in baring your worst qualities on television? I supposed everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame, but come on people. Its the first episode and two girls get in a fight. Here is how it goes

Girl 1:I really don't like getting up to a dirty kitchen. (
Girl 2: Well, I'll clean it.
Girl 1: You should have cleaned it last night. I'm only cleaning it because I hate dirty kitchens
Girl 2: Thats fine, but I'm not going to act like you're Mother Theresa or something. You did it voluntarily
Girl 1: I know. I don't like dirty kitchens. I'm really irritated right now (Wait, do you like dirty kitchens? I'm not sure)
Girl 2: Do you want some ointment for that irritation? (Oohhh. Burn!)
Girl 1: No, but I'd really like you to get a personality
Guy sitting at counter: That was a little uncalled for.

Really. Get a personality. All because you don't like a dirty kitchen and had to clean it up. I'd bet $50 that she just wanted someone to either
a: tell her how great she is for cleaning up a mess thast not her own OR
b: get mad at the girl who made the mess

or both. For crying out loud.

Book club

I just got back from my monthly book club. This club was started by several women from the Milwaukee board on theknot.com. I know what you are thinking. Yes, they are my "internet friends". At first I was a little freaked to admit that I had internet friends. Now I'll shout it from the rooftops with pride. Some of these women have become my closest friends. I've shared deeply personal experiences with them. I've shared the process of learning how to parent. I go to these women for advice. It may not be the most conventional way of meeting friends, but I am so glad I came across this board. I feel like I have created friendships with these women, and it makes me happy.

Back to book club. I guess I want to rave about these people some more. I can't tell you how much I look forward to the first monday of each month. Don't get me wrong. I love being a mother and a wife, but book club allows me a guaranteed night to escape that. We have witty and intelligent conversation (sometimes about the book, sometimes not), we eat good food and drink good wine. Its my kind of social event. I think I was born to be in a book club.