Sunday, October 28, 2007

When did we grow up?

Today I attended a baby shower for a friend from high school. While I was sitting there, playing with my baby girl, talking to another friend from this same group that is pregnant, it hit me: we are growing up. Of this group of six girls, 5 are married, 2 have kids, 2 are having kids in the next 6 or 7 weeks, and I wouldn't be surprised if the other one is pregnant within the next year. This is just insane to me. I can remember the night we graduated from high school, all of us crammed into one girls apartment, drinking beer...I mean ginger ale.

To be honest, I keep going through all of these life changing events, convinced that one of these days I'll feel like a real adult. On the day of my college graduation, I felt like I was back in middle school, sitting the the school gym wearing my orange shirt and black skirt (yes, orange!), waiting for my "promotion" to high school. A year and a half after graduation, I got married. I sat in that chair at the salon, feeling like a 16 year old going to prom. I thought for sure having a baby would make me feel grown up. Then my husband and I built a house. We are homeowners. Now I'm definitely an adult, right? Nope, still feeling like a 16 year old.

I don't think I'll ever truely feel like a "grown up". The older I get, the less I think this is a bad thing. Maybe there is something to that teenage feeling of uncertainty and anxiety that keeps me on my toes a little more. Maybe when my children are in their teenage years, I'll remember what it was like a little better. Hopefully, it will keep me from being that adult that everyone hates, even the other adults. The one who is too self-assured, who thinks they are too wise, that they've lived so many more years than the rest of us. Please God, let me avoid that.


Sarah said...

I am with you 100%. I feel the same way!

Sierra said...

I agree with you! I fear that when I have kids, they'll look to me to be the adult and I won't know what to do.

Britta said...

I remember when I was 12 thinking I would "be a woman" when I turned 17.
I was shocked (and disappointed) when I didn't magically transform overnight.

Erin Nevicosi said...

Add another to the "me too!" group.

I'm always looking around thinking, how did we all get here?

I, too, don't think I'll ever *truly* feel like an adult. I thought maybe once I had a kid I'd feel like one - but you say it doesn't even happen then, so who knows!

Jess P said...

Erin, the day we took AK home from the hospital, we were in the car and I said to Troy "I can't even believe they let us take her home. We're still kids!".

He just looked at me like I was nuts.

Erin Nevicosi said...

Ha! That's so cute. I can see myself saying the same thing.

You're obviously doing a fabulous job of being a mom. :)

Steph Gee said...

That's why I don't have kids yet. I'm not grown up enough for them. :)

Michelle M said...

I'm 36 and still am not a grown up. Also having kids is what keeps you being able to do stupid shit. You want your kids to think your cool.